Check one more box off of my Bucket List. The problem is that with a mate like JVD…we just keep adding more.
That picture was taken just before Dead Man’s Curve aka Hamburger Meat Turn aka STAY TO THE RIGHT and throw some bows to not get knocked down by the crowd.
Shamrocking.
Celebrating July 4th with JVD. We missed the HB Parade…but it’s a good trade off.
From Elementary school clear up until 16th grade I had to listen to English teachers tell me, “Ryan! Be like Ernest Hemingway in your writing! Show the readers everything, tell them nothing.” And let it be known, today is the day that I have finally thunk up a way to show you, my dear reader, just how much I have exhaustively traipsed around Zürich. Yesterday…two separate parties enjoying cigarettes and coffee outside of completely different parts of the city recognized and bought me a drink. One was a lady who plays violin at the Opera house in Bellevue and the other was an old Swiss man who went to UCLA for an exchange program in the 70’s and convinced me that crusty old dudes exist everywhere and portray the same intrinsic creepy mannerisms regardless of nationality. He almost wet his pants laughing while explaining to me he has a t-shirt that says: The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
In between those two random run-ins I took a visit to the Botanischer Garden shown below. I did more people watching than anything because there is something entertaining about watching people gawk at palm trees. Those palm tree aficionados probably laughed right back at me when I spent 30 minutes in front of the lilypad tanks inspecting all the different species like the worlds most interested botanist. Each tank was a waist high 4’x4′ planter filled with 8 inches of water and little fish.
Those planters were also home to globetrotting ants. For a moment I wondered if any young ants ever say goodbye to their families for the equivalent of 5 ‘ant-months’ and walked 20′ in either direction to experience different continents and worlds. I bet they do.
Being throughly satiated with Zurich and looking for a different arena, I’ve moved to Zug (no not Orgrimmar you WoW nerds) and neighboring Schwyz & Brunnen. This is what it looks like – Mediterranean teal waters and snow covered alps.
Next was the original Swiss Knife Factory where I was absolutely not going to get suckered into buying a knife because I already have my trusty Benchmade manufactured in the USA…but then in a rare moment of sentimental thinking I figured an heirloom to pass down to my punk son that will come around in the undetermined future wouldn’t be a bad purchase.
You may notice the lack of gadgetry and that is absolutely by my own custom design. Knife, wine opener, and bottle opener. If this perfectly Swiss pocket tool were a hairdo…it would be a mullet. Business in the front and all party in the back with minimal survivability.
My lakeside leisure plans have been completely rained out by the decently intense rain, but that doesn’t keep a good dog down and I’m determined to take full advantage of Zurich. Not that it’s sometimes nice to vegetate on the couch watching MTV’s Ke$ha – My Crazy Beautiful Life for hours with Swiss German subtitles while eating leftover pasta for hours…okay, maybe I did that last night ‘caus jetlag part 2 hit me, but when the sun is up it’s adventure time.
Around 0730 I was up and decided to indulge myself in my favorite semi-indoor international pastime: Public Transportation Commandeering. What’s that? It’s the act of sneakily lurking off and on public transportation while evading those sworn to uphold the law and catch said wayfaring pirates. Zurich has to be the apex spot for this and I’m pretty sure that if Public Transportation Commandeering were an Olympic sport I’d represent the USA and win Gold. The only person even remotely capable of beating me would probably be Quinn, but he would have to cheat and use Floo Powder to get to the destination faster. Trains, subways, busses, trams, boats, and ever-elusive Polybahns crisscross this city like a labyrinth more effectively than any city I’ve ever encountered. What’s a Polybahn? Think of it like an adult Knott’s Berry Farm Huff & Puff ride that floats up steep hills tightly ensconced by ancient homes and used when any other mode of transportation would be impossible to implement without disturbing everything. Thus far I’ve easily racked up +300 CHF worth of gettin’ around.
Now for the real point of this post, I guess it’s worth mentioning that I’m writing this blog in Hall Eo 7 at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, Zurich while listening to Mr. S Kureti lecture about the Effect of Physical-Chemical Soot Properties on the Kinetics of Catalytic Soot Oxidation. If you don’t believe me, go look him up. He professes at the University of Freiberg, Germany. But really the fact that I’m listening to this lecture isn’t the interesting part because I have only the slightest clue as to what the fvck this guy is explaining. It’s all interesting! Including the part about how I got here.
The University of Zurich was on my list of things to explore so I apparated over there via PTC to discover that the 17th ETH Conference on Combustion Generate Nanoparticles is taking place starting today and lasting for 3 days. Now, this is a pretty lofty engineering based conference that by the looks of the champagne glasses full of orange juice being served to the guests by sexy little butler-ettes probably costs a heavy penny to attend.
Professorial gentlemen old and wizened enough to have that funny looking bald patch on the back of their head, seemingly created by bobby-pinning a yarmulke to their head for so long that it eventually tore out all the hair in that exact plot of scalp, are milling about conversing over tri-fold poster boards filled with interesting technical digests. This opportunity just looks too cool to miss.
So I muttered, “Dude, I’m so glad I shaved this morning,” fixed my collar, cinched up my Saber backpack, removed the headphones from my ears, flummoxed my hair to somewhat resemble the rest of the attendees and walked in. The conference promoter stopped me at the main door and asked for my ID badge, but honestly the key to any city is a great smile and a mild lack of morals. I kept walking, tucked my shoulder, patted the inside of my breast pocket like the badge was simply hidden under my coat and voilà!
That sounds pretty cocky, but I was lucky enough to have various decent conversations with gentleman at booths about the wind turbines business…since that’s the only thing I know that is vaguely applicable with this crowd. Unluckily, any tech these folks are using is way to expensive to ever be remotely viable to the wind industry.
Alright, I gotta blast. Going to go listen to some brilliant people and force myself to get smarter.
Swiss Federal Institute of Technology
Main building of the Swiss Institute of Technology in Zürich (ETH)
Hallo und wie geht es dir? Yup, that is the extent of my polite Swiss German and how I’m opening this first blog post! But before I continue, a major thank you goes out to the people who have already subscribed to my blog. I appreciate it because knowing you folks are reading makes home feel right down the street. And for that…I will try my best to entertain!
Instead of talking about the flat I’m staying in and it’s voluptuous owner who loves smoking Chesterfields while leaning out the kitchen window, I’ll cut to the chase and talk about the two most interesting things here: the owner’s kid and Handy Dandy. The kid is worth mentioning because he’s 11, listens to good music, and is probably pissed at me for occupying his man cave with the PS3 & Wii. An hour ago, I saw his little curious eyeball peek longingly through the crack in the door at the bigscreen TV so I told him to come on in to play some videogames. Long story short…he got repeatedly crushed at Just Dance 4 and Mario Kart. America wins. Secondly, Handy Dandy is the cat in the picture. I’m absolutely not a cat person, but I think this reincarnated version of my favorite stuffed animal as a kid cat has actually helped me come to a favorable conclusion: Cats should be enjoyed as pets in the same fashion as fish. Think about it…
Anyways! I was planning to take it easy on my first night here. Sounds responsible right? So, I put on my black collared shirt, jacket, and Nikes to go lurk around Zürich. As I’m walking around I found myself humming the opening song from Beauty & the Beast that goes, “little town, full of quiet people la la la whatever” and things were really quaint, clean, Euro proper. Then whilst turning a corner…I saw a bunch of people lined up wearing neon tanktops, tube socks, big hair, and sparkly shit. “What is this?!?” I vocalize to myself while analyzing the twenty something crowd and scoping the situation to ultimately come to the conclusion that this club is hosting an 80’s Party Night. At that exact moment upon realization the responsible voice in my head got metaphorically punched in the face and I walked straight home to change into my neon yellow Endless Summer dank tank to commence a night of dance floor shredding with my disco people. While walking back all I could think about is Julianna saying, “Don’t put that tank top on. Don’t do it.” Now fast forward to the best part: After getting inside I realized…It’s a Roller Disco!
Every single person was in old-school throwback skates inside and I mean everybody…people at the bar, on the dance floor, in the bathroom, walking up the stairs, outside on the patio smoking. Not a single person was wearing shoes. Here is a picture of friends I met. The guy on my right is Andi the Auditor. He’s going to be my Swiss CFO in the future and loves a pint or two.
Overall, last night was awesome. The only clue to letting me know that I didn’t wake up on 29th street in Newport Beach was the playful 9-year-old boy outside yelling in German. Of course I couldn’t understand him, but I think he was saying, “Gern geschehen furr das wake up call!! Ich heisse monster of headache und hangover here to deliver madness unto das world!! Kant you see how fahking fantastic this swingset is?! If you can’t, sletz me telle you with my blitzkriegesque voice!” Goddamn kid.
-RMN
Let me tell you something kid…Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they’re too scared, or they don’t recognize it when it spits on their shoes.
-The Great Bambino
 | Jeannie (old travele… on Rollschuh Disco Ryan |
| Hillary Woods on Dingle & Killarney | |
 | Joan on Matadors in Nikes |
| Joan on Dingle & Killarney |
 | Julianna Nagle on Dingle & Killarney |
RMN 